Clandestine Affair
by XvXChaosMagicianGirlXvX
Summary: A smothered passion that yearned to be released. A source of solace offered. An affair conducted in secret. To hearts unwittingly become ensnared in love's trap. Silentshipping: Seto Kaiba X Shizuka Kawai.
1. Prologue

_Title: Clandestine Affair_

_Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl_

_Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh_

_Pairing: Seto Kaiba X Shizuka Kawai ( Silentshipping)_

_Warnings: Adult themes, nudeness, cussing, (mild) lime, slightly Alternate Univerce, smut?_

_A/N:_

_Almost an entire month ago, I was browsing through my own little music collection and discovered the song "Get mine, Get yours", from Christina Aquilera. After I read the songlyrics a story idea popped into my head. Iwrote the first idea down onto paper, and after that typed up a summary and placed it in the future fics section of my profile. The idea has been collecting dust, but it hasn't been forgotten. Anyway, here it is, the first part, which functions as the main set-up of the story? This fic is also a somewhat new category for me to venture in. I believe it is classified as smutty, more mature fanfiction. Either way (sweatdrops) it will be foreign territory to me for now..._

_**Note: **Shizuka's age has been altered to fit into the overal story plot. _

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---- **Prologue** ---

_We have a physical thing_

_We make love, but don't fall in love_

_We spend time_

_Just enough, so you get yours and I get mine_

_No strings attached_

_I want your body_

_Not your heart_

_If you can handle the fact that what we have_

_Has got to be commitment free_

_Then we can keep this undercover lovin' comin'_

_Hidden underneath the sheets_

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Her modesty was only covered up by the bed sheets securely wrapped around her body. Her left leg was left loose to dangle, while the rest of her petite frame rested on the window sill. Her long mane of auburn tresses was a tangled mess due to earlier "activities" that had taken place in the very same room she currently resided in.

She had somehow managed to escape the possessive arms snaked around her waist….

Her face was set aglow by the moonlight streaming into the room, illuminating her already pale skin, giving it a strangely ethereal appearing colour, highlighting the solemn expression visible on her face.

All kinds of thoughts swirling through her brain at such rapid speeds that neither logical sense, nor sorting them out proved successful, she had instead banished them from her mind. Like a broom had swept across a dusty floor of an old room, her mind was wiped, and left a clean, blank slate. Or so she desperately hoped. Truth was, as soon as she stopped trying to suppress them, they would come back full force, taunting her, ridiculing her…

'_Naïve fool_…..'

She instantly stiffened as those words snaked their way into her consciousness, mentally wincing at the bitter, sharp, and biting sting they left behind. Even her own mind was playing tricks on her now….

Idly gazing out of the window, she let her fingers trace patters on the glass that was laced with frost from outside. She waited silently, relishing the last few precious moments of a tranquil, static-free mind, as she let her eyes once again roam over the white landscape outside.

The colour white was always woven in with the concept of innocence. It reminded her of herself, of different sorts of innocence she had lost over the last few months. The dappled white moon, form a perfect sickle, only enhanced the picture…..

His face features were obscured by the shadows casted on them. Left arm propped up under his head; unsettling azure eyes gazed at the ceiling above. He was a light sleeper, ever alert and aware of his surroundings. So as soon as a certain red head left the confines of his arms, quietly slipping away, his eyes had fluttered open. However, he made no move to stop her. As far as she knew he was asleep.

_Appearances could be deceiving…._

Quietly turning onto his side, he let his eyes, devoid of any emotions, settle down on her.

He wondered what she was thinking about, as he surveyed her back, tracing every curve under that bed sheet, picturing it, seeing it vividly in his mind. Of course, why would his thought process stop to ponder on something trivial as what she was thinking about? Who was he really fooling? She had stealthily and sneakily, and oh so slowly wrapped him up in her world. He was a fool, too blind to notice until it was too late…

And both of them wondered how they could get out of this predicament they found themselves in. Both knew there was only one way out, one solitary solution.

But were they willing to take that leap? Their stubborn ways rendered both of them unable to admit. They had both broken a silent vow that was taken.

He never wanted these feelings… Why did he give in? He vowed to never let anyone in again, but he had let her become his crutch, an absolute weakness. And yet he could not help himself. No matter how he had tried to convince himself countless times again, he always surrendered to temptation…

Why didn't she heed the obvious warning signs? He had been dangerous territory to venture in from the beginning. But that's what attracted her to him. His dangerous, but alluring mystery was what fuelled her to enter the lair of the villain…

From what she had witnessed, he was too scarred to ever truly be able to love again. Although perhaps once he had been able to. She was killing herself by remaining, and keep going back to him.

As if in perfect unity, they clearly, vividly remembered the first night they had met, explored...

It was the first night of many to follow….

-----

_A sheen of sweat glistening on her skin, was illuminated by the pale moonlight streaming in through the tightly shut drapes._

_Hushing her, he sensually, in one smooth movement claimed her. Muffled moans of pleasure were derived from this performed action. _

_The moon exposed two people who had met, who now explored. .._

_He set free pent-up passion that yearned to be released…_

_She for once in her life didn't want to be considered a little, helpless, innocent angel anymore…_

_A source of solace offered…an escape from the pretence, the every day charade. _

_Shackles loosened, inhibitions were thrown into the wind…_

_There was only one unwritten rule: **don't** become ensnared in **love's trap**…._

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_A/N:_

_(cautiously decides to open one eye to risk a peep...) That was...CRAP, right? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this chapter. Not to mention that thisis another new story. ARGH, I already have so many! Fics I really should update...(whistles innocently) Yeah well, I'm lazy and busy, so bite me. OO! On second thought, don't! _

_I do hope some of you will enjoy this new instalment. Constructive critism is very much appreciated! Pointless flames will laughed at (hard), then ignored...(after I watch them be desimbowled by my lovely paper shredder). Such a niftly little tool...(insert wicked smirk right here).'_

_Alas, expect no super fast updates for the time to come. I'll be busy with schoolwork and...life...and revising some fics that desperately need it, and get of me bum to write new chapters for my other fics currently in the running...Life can sometimes be a bitch..._

_CMG, signing out!_

**Disclaimer:** No © infringement intended. The characters I use in this story belong to their respective owners. This story is written solely for entertainment purposes.

"**Clandestine Affair" © ChaosMagicianGirl**

**_No part of this story may be reproduced, unless granted permission by me. Everything I use in this story, except for the reference to Yu-Gi-Oh, is mine. Reproduction of the story content is therefore considered illegal. Laws against © infringement will be enforced if you decide to break the rules. _**


	2. Chapter one: The beginning

_Clandestine Affair_

_Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl_

_Date: 4 December, 2005_

_Chapter one: The Beginning…_

_A/N:_

_Okay, so here's the next instalment of Clandestine Affair. This chapter might be somewhat confusing, so to take away some of the confusion. This is where the actual story starts, right from the beginning. Hope that clears up some things. Anyway, enough said, enjoy! _

"…." Spoken lines

'…' _thoughts_

_xxx time jump_

----

Listlessly nibbling on her chocolate chip cookie, Shizuka's eyes roamed over the pages of her book, taking in absolutely nothing, and failing in desperately ignoring the girls behind her. A task she had set for herself, but one that proved to be impossible.

Of all the whispering taking place behind her back, one voice was the most intelligible, and presumably the loudest. She wasn't aiming for discretion, she wanted to be heard.

"I swear, even fashion designers wouldn't be desperate enough to give her a make-over. Have you seen the clothes she wears outside school? She's beyond help! I bet her mother still shops for her! She's such a loser!"

As if by an ironical twist of fate, their gazes clashed, and Kumiko Satsuke, one of the most popular girls at Shizuka's school, fixed her with a purposeful, scorning gaze, knowing Shizuka had heard her.

Knitting her eye-brows into a frown, Shizuka scooped up the rest of her lunch, slung her bag over her shoulder, and strolled off.

She had had enough…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

How she hated that bitch. But she hated her own timidity even more. She should have said something to shut her up, but no, Shizuka Kawai was far to adapt at slipping into the role of submissive, meek, little shy girl. A role she was all too familiar with. Disgustingly weak, that's what she was.

Suddenly feeling sick to her stomach, a ball of vile bile wanted to worm its way up.

Almost arriving at her locker, she noticed a group of girls blocking her way much too late….

A thud, and a painful crash later alerted her to the situation at hand.

'_Oh, no…Did I just?'_

"Oof!" came the muffled groan of a girl, who was now lying with her back flat on the cool, tiled floor of the hallway.

Her eyes widening considerably, as realisation started to dawn on her, Shizuka instantly stiffened, her frame becoming rigid and stiff.

She wanted to apologise when…

"Get off of me, you **ahondara(1)," **the girl snapped at her, pain laced into her tone of voice.

The rest of the group of girls was sending disapproving glances in Shizuka's direction.

Looking down, Shizuka's face flushed. She was positioned right on top of the girl. Getting up with difficulty, as she untangled herself from the mess she had gotten into, Shizuka removed herself from this awkward position.

"**Gomen(2)**," Shizuka quietly mumbled as a means to apologise, "I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going, so.."

"You don't say?" the girl enquired in a mocking manner, stating a rhetorical question with quite an obvious answer.

Bowing her head in an apologising gesture, she feebly offered, "I really am sorry…"

"You better be…" one of the other girls chimed in, adding her opinion to the mix.

Seeing the state Shizuka was in, and her anger ebbing away, the girl decided to give her a break. "It's alright. Just watch where you're going next time.."

Pasting a small smile onto her face, although it was killing her right now, Shizuka nodded affirmatively. "I will.."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With a thoroughly resigned demeanour Shizuka barged into her home, tossing her bag into a remote corner somewhere. To hell with her mother's neat, nitpicky nature. She could care less right now.

Trudging up the stairs, she quickly fled to her room, her only sanctuary in this house and the world it seemed.

Though weak she might be, she flat-out refused to cry in front of other people, and she always strictly followed that rule. She wouldn't give certain people at her school the satisfaction of witnessing the impact their words had on her.

One crystalline drop leaked down from her left eye, and blinking, she tried to rid herself of it, while at the same time kicking off her shoes.

However, no matter how hard she willed the oncoming onslaught of tears to leave her alone, they would not, and so she just gave up and let them fall.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Humming along with a melody playing on her Discman, Shizuka put the last finishing touches to her latest sketch. Roughly, and busily shading it, she was too engrossed with what she was doing to hear her mother come in.

"Honey, didn't you hear me call?" her mother spoke up while placing a hand on her shoulder and successfully startling Shizuka out of her wits.

Whipping her head around, Shizuka met her mother's expectant gaze. Calming down when she noticed it was only her mother who scared the crap out of her, Shizuka shook her head as an answer to her mother's question.

Moving to stand behind her, her mother's long, slender fingers started to run through her hair, automatically obeying an old habit by starting to braid it.

"You know, instead of doodling around on a piece of paper, you _should_ be doing your homework," her mother remarked, as she eyed the sketch Shizuka was working on, and the lonely forgotten pencil resting beside it.

"I know, it's just…"

"Nu-uh..," her mother interrupted her, before she could finish her sentence. "No buts or excuses young lady," And as if to emphasise her statement her mother gave a gentle, reprimanding tug on the now finished braid.

Releasing an inaudible sigh, Shizuka silently cursed her mother's doting, protective nature.

How old was she again?

Oh, yes, fifteen going on sixteen..

Whenever her mother was concerned, she always had to remind herself of that fact.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"It's bad enough the school uniforms have such short skirts, and you're obligated to wear them on school grounds! But at home I don't want my daughter prancing around like a slut!"

Her mother was on another one of her famous ranting escapades and she showed no signs of stopping anytime soon, so Shizuka, who was, by now, sick and tired of them, decided to silence her.

"Mom, please!" Shizuka was an inch from almost strangling her mother, and said person wasn't exactly helping things.

As if she hadn't heard a word of what Shizuka said, she merrily continued on.

"It's preposterous! Who in god's name designed these uniforms? Perverted old men, who wanted young female Japanese students to flash a little leg?"

The only way to get her mother to shut up was to go change clothes. …

So she participated in that course of action, leaving her mother behind, ranting and raving in the kitchen.

In her room she traded her skirt for simple jeans, and relieved herself of her school jacket. She rolled her eyes in an annoyed fashion, when she heard her mother was still at it downstairs….

"_Dear **Kami(3)**! Will someone please shoot me already?"_ Shizuka spat out in a hushed manner.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mindlessly pouring herself a bowl full of cereal, and adding milk as a rather vague

afterthought, Shizuka joined her mother at the table, who was already enjoying her daily dose of black coffee in the morning.

Seating herself, Shizuka began the process of spoon feeding herself with her own created breakfast.

Her throat felt strangely parched dry, and Shizuka discovered the endeavour of crunching on equally dry, albeit crunchy cornflakes weren't exactly a ride on a pleasure cruise.

Mentally rolling her eyes at that peculiar observation, she stifled a yawn.

She had trouble sleeping last night. Three guesses as to why.

Her mother's gaze unglued itself from the news paper pages and settled on her, her eyes scrutinising the rather obvious dishevelled appearance that happened to represent Shizuka.

"Goodness, you look like something the cat dragged in," she commented, raising one of her eye-brows.

"I'm so glad you noticed," Shizuka muttered darkly, her mood changing from bad to worse.

Damn her mother's observation skills sometimes. But when she really needed to be observant, her "efforts" always came up short..

Ignoring what she had said, or not hearing her at all, her mother continued, "Anyway, what I wanted to tell you, before I forget, this package was delivered for you just yesterday.."

"What package?" enquired Shizuka curiously.

Her mother only pointed toward the kitchen counter, before averting her eyes back to the pages of the newspaper she held in her hands.

Shrugging her shoulders at her mother's lack of a response, she got up and walked over toward the kitchen counter, and indeed spotting a package, she made a greedy, grabbing motion for it, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Turning it over in her hands, she scanned it for an address to find out who could have possibly

sent it to her in the first place. She really couldn't remember ordering something. ….

Spotting the address of the one who sent it, her eyes widened momentarily, before narrowing. She risked a glance at her mother.

'_Hmmph…no wonder she didn't show any enthusiasm..'_

Taking a look at the clock, she figured the package had to wait till after school…

Or else she would be late…

Gulping, a feeling of dread settled in her gut. She really, really didn't feel like going to school..

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As soon as the bell rang, signalling the end of yet another tedious and tiring school day, Shizuka had to suppress the urge to sprint home.

Feeling giddy, and an unusual bounce in her step, Shizuka transported herself to the estate she called "home", leaving her classmates and other people behind to wonder about her off-key behaviour.

However, she wasn't about to clue them in to her plight. ..

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Practically ripping open the package to reveal its contents, Shizuka was surprised to find a video tape and a sealed envelope with her name on it.

Not hesitating for even one second, she popped the video into the VCR.

Static filled the screen for mere moments, and Shizuka bobbed up and down on the couch, impatiently waiting for anything or anyone to appear on screen.

She was rewarded for her effort of waiting as the background of a messy bed room filled the entire screen.

Oh boy, if her mother were to see this, Shizuka could envision clearly in her mind, her mother storming over there, and making the whole bedroom go through her special clean routine. Okay, that was ridiculous, but to say her mother was a neat freak was an understatement.

She should have herself genetically engineered to make a broom sprout out of her ass, so that anytime, anywhere she could sweep the floor.

Despite herself, Shizuka laughed at that particular thought. However, her attention was returned to the screen, as a particular voice vouched for her fancy.

Her brother's face appeared as the camera lens he had used zoomed in on his face.

Seeing her brother again, even if it was on television made feelings stir inside of her, painful and happy ones bubbling forth, breaking the surface.

She hadn't seen him in so long….

She was once again alerted to the fact of how much she truly missed him.

"Hey sis..," As soon as he uttered those words, Shizuka let out an involuntary gasp, and hoarsely called out: "Oni-chan…"

"Guess what?" he continued, totally oblivious to the greeting she gave in return. Her brother's presence on the screen delivered a painful stab to her heart, as much as she hated to admit it. "I've gotten the money for your eye-operation…"

The grin on his face, and the words he spoke had trouble making sense to her, but when they did….

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Shizuka's mother came home from work, she found her daughter in the living room, a torn package on the ground in front of her, and a static filled screen of the television.

Shizuka, who was thoughtfully staring out of the window, looked up when she heard her mother's footsteps.

"Hey..," Shizuka greeted her mother simply, a genuine smile plastered on her face.

"What are you grinning like an idiot about?" her mother demanded to know. "Did you receive a good grade?" she made a wild guess.

Shizuka shook her head in the negative.

"Then what?"

She received her answer in the form of a cheque waving in front of her face.

"**Nani (4)**?" replied her mother, confused as to what Shizuka was implying. When she noticed a cheque was being waved in front of her face, her mother's eyes widened.

She met her daughters gaze, demanding an immediate answer. Shizuka only grinned even more.

"Where did you..?"

"Katsuya has gotten the money for my eye-operation..," Shizuka cut her mother to the chase.

"He what?" her tone was infused with utter disbelief.

---

A/N:

**_ahondara - fool/oaf/airhead _**

**_gomen - sorry_**

**_Kami -god_**

**_nani - what_**

_I hope you enjoyed, and kindly leave a review on your way out. Constructive criticism is appreciated, flames will be laughed at or ignored. Take your pick…_

_The next instalment won't take meas long, since I've got a good part of the story somewhat figured out. That's a definite change. Usually, I just make it up as I go along, but now I'm actually planning the outcome of this fic in advance._

_CMG, signing out!_

**Disclaimer:** No © infringement intended. The characters I use in this story belong to their respective owners. This story is written solely for entertainment purposes.

"**Clandestine Affair" © ChaosMagicianGirl**

_**No part of this story may be reproduced, unless granted permission by me. Everything I use in this story, except for the reference to Yu-Gi-Oh, is mine. Reproduction of the story content is therefore considered illegal. Laws against © infringement will be enforced if you decide to break the rules. **_


	3. Chapter 2: Solitary Bird

_Title: Clandestine Affair_

_Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl_

_Start date: 10 December, 2005_

_Finished: 24 December, 2005_

_Chapter two: Solitary Bird_

_A/N: _

_I did say last chapter it wasn't going to take me nearly as long to come up with the next instalment. And it's true. This is a fast update compared to the length of my usual updates. That's two chapters in one month! Be grateful! - Right now, I tend to focus on this baby of mine. Sure, I should be working on updating and revising my other work, but even though it's holiday, I really haven't got that much time on my hands! I'm really sorry, peepz, but that's life! I mean, I do have a life besides writing fanfictions. Some people seem to forget that..._

_Anyway, hope you enjoy, because even though I updated pretty fast, this chapter was really giving me a lot of trouble. And for some reason, I'm still not satisfied with it..._

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A deer caught in the headlights 24/7, that was a good comparison to the state he felt trapped in, more often than not.

Always on edge, ever alert about his environment and other people's intentions. Poised and ready to strike whenever necessary.

Keeping up walls, protecting your innermost feelings…

Such a tiring process to participate in, time and time again.

Sometimes he felt within himself the by now almost foreign urge to indulge in feelings. To let anger, sadness and despair flow. But he could not. For if he set loose the beast, carefully crafted reigns would loose the power they wielded.

Mulling over thoughts, pondering over everyday trivialities were things best left unexplored or analysed.

If one would take a closer look a psychiatrist undercover would be exposed. He was an expert at observing people's mannerisms, baring quirks, dissecting their personalities.

Finding weaknesses, and categorising them, he exploited the created advantages whenever in his range of benefits.

Other people would deem his methods cruel, finding the callousness he used to deal with situations outrageous.

Fellow peers, among his age, mostly males, found his behaviour oddly disturbing, and probably went out of their way to avoid him. Not that he would blame them. He wouldn't want to associate with himself either, if he were to be placed in their shoes. But alas, that was not the case...

However, his countenance did not seem to bother a good chunk of the female population. They seemed to adore him, no matter what, some even bordering on flat-out obsession.

He had never announced the grand opening of his own official fan club, but it seemed to be the case a lot of girls had taken it upon themselves to form private circles, and participating in some idiotic ritual, idolising him, worshipping the ground his feet walked upon.

What the content of such gatherings included, he would probably never know, and didn't even want to know. Allowing his mind to wander on the possibilities made his stomach churn.

It was utterly pathetic…To stoop so low…

It was utter humiliation, not to mention incredibly degrading to be dubbed their object of "affection".

But since he could not hope to stop them, he ignored them instead. Something he happened to be very adapt at.

Some people appreciated him, and that was specific attention received and enjoyed.

Kids at the Domino orphanage were overjoyed with the pile of gifts that was bestowed upon them each year during Christmas, ever since he had become CEO of KC.

The personnel at the place were more than thankful for the generous amounts of private donations offered by yours truly.

Of course they did not know the person organising it all, sitting behind the curtains. But that was irrelevant. They were grateful and that was all that mattered to him. He only knew too well the lives the kids led there. He was one of them…

Yugi Moto issued a silent form of respect toward him, and whether he wanted to admit it or not, even the Chichewa harboured a grudging respect toward him, mainly for his obvious skills as a duellist, he assumed.

Subtle things had changed between him and Yugi Moto's little "circle of friends". Changes he _didn't _want to acknowledge.

He had gotten **too** close to the fire, burned himself and _had_ to retreat.

It was necessary, an installed instinct he followed, like a computer obeying orders without question with one click of the mouse. A programmed code instructed him on what to do, how to behave, and he heeded it.

No matter what he told himself, Gazuboru still left neat, distinctive, recognised patterns, running like a red thread through his everyday life. Sometimes unwittingly, other times to his full awareness.

He was always isolating himself, because he had to. Detachment had almost become an automatic reflex by now. Although he had tried to convince himself of the fact that he didn't need anybody, he knew he was only fooling himself, and his behaviour was not considered "healthy".

In social studies you were taught that humans depended upon other humans to survive and function. Humans were sociable creatures by nature, not solitary birds. There was nothing to be done about. It was only logical, fact..

No matter how much it disgusted him to admit that deeply rooted inside of him, cloaked under thick veils, a longing for companionship was firmly imbedded.

He could deny it all he wanted. It wouldn't change anything. That didn't mean however he could not foolishly attempt to ignore it.

Burying himself in work nowadays seemed to work like a fine escape route. But it was only a temporary "cure" for the ailment that plagued him. It worked like a painkiller, numbing and lulling the vile "disease".

Covering the latter made him remember, he had pressing matters to attend to. A certain workload on his desk was waiting to be finished, and he really should…

Vague sounds in the background, something akin to a door slamming shut, had serious trouble registering in his mind, if at all succeeding.

He was interrupted from indulging in any more musings of the mind when a voice as sharp as a knife cut through the silence abruptly.

"Earth to Ni-sama! Anybody there?" enquired Mokuba in an exasperated tone, becoming indignant when he received no intelligible response from his older brother.

Seto wore a vacant expression on his face, and his eyes were unfocussed, hazy. His gaze was most definitely not clear and sharp as a dagger like normally would be the case.

It worried the young preteen more than anything. _What's with Seto lately? His behaviour is really off-key. I know something is the matter, and I want to know what. _

As a last resort he snapped his fingers in front of his brother's face, and that trick seemed to work like a charm.

Eyes widening at the unexpected gesture, a shiver of blatant surprise ran down Seto's spine.

"Nani?" he cried out in a startled fashion, his eyes darting around wildly before finally settling on his younger brother. He calmed down instantly when he pinpointed the whereabouts of the culprit who scared him out of his wits.

"Seto, are you alright?" questioned Mokuba, worry firmly imbedded in his chosen tone of voice, an imploring look in his eyes, subtly trying to coax his brother into telling him what was the matter.

"Uh, I mean, didn't you hear me calling?" he added somewhat sheepishly when he saw a frown mar his brother's face.

Placing a hand on his brother's shoulder, Mokuba gave a reassuring squeeze.

Stiffening somewhat under his younger brother's touch, Seto obeyed a very old nervous habit he thought he didn't posses anymore by averting his eyes.

Had he really been so engrossed in his own realm of thoughts that he had even failed to notice his own brother come in?

Seeing his older brother visibly flinch under his harmless touch, a pang of hurt flashed through Mokuba's dark-blue eyes momentarily.

Of course, it was to be expected his brother would react this way. It had been like this ever since they became _Kaiba's._ The name in itself inspired raw emotions within Mokuba.

It was not that his brother was repulsed by his very essence, or that he deemed Mokuba something vile, it was something else entirely. Seto's reactions were pure instinct drilled into his head, spirit and soul, making him allergic for touches, purely because he was taught touching equals pain.

A glum, seemingly somewhat forlorn smile made the corners of Seto's mouth quirk upward. A rare smile, however a sad one in nature. Knitting the long, slender fingers of his hands together, and positioning his elbows on top of his polished desk, he led his head rest on his arms. A wistful sigh escaped his lips.

"I'm fine; really…I've just had trouble sleeping as of late…"

Trouble sleeping…Heh, that was probably the understatement of the year, according to Mokuba. He knew what kind of "trouble with sleeping" Seto was hinting at. The only problem here was, he never openly showed to Mokuba more than the shallow surface of his true feelings and was carefully guarded when his problems came up for discussion, never revealing more than the tip of a vast ice-berg.

Sometimes it frustrated him beyond belief. It's like Seto didn't trust him anymore.

Therefore Mokuba rewarded his older brother with an incredulous look, and a sceptical raised eye-brow.

Even though Seto probably was unaware, his smile had betrayed his deprivation of human contact and the loneliness he always surrounded himself with did nothing to improve things. If his brother kept this up, he was slowly, but surely going to drift away to a place where not even Mokuba could reach him anymore. Lately getting through to his brother had become more difficult each passing day.

_Ni-sama, why do you always isolate yourself so? Not everyone is out to get you…_

Seto only let an almost inaudible snort of annoyance. He should have known his brother wouldn't be so easily dissuaded from finding out what was bothering him.

_And there you go again, Ni-sama, hiding your true self away behind a façade of indifference…and a mask of anger…_

-----

His back solidly leaning against the cool wall next to his little brother's bedroom door, his arms were methodically crossed in front of his chest.

He was restless. Like many nights were the case he didn't want sleep to come to him.

He had a very good reason for being an educated and refined insomniac, as well as a workaholic. Call him a coward if you will, but by remaining in the realm of consciousness, he wouldn't be in for a few nasty surprises.

Haunting, vivid dreams that were once real-life experiences would not receive an invitation of gaining access to his mind. He wanted to keep past demons out. Surrendering to the temptation of sleep would mean momentarily forfeiting his dominant position on the chest board, willingly usurping an inferior position, leaving memories free to do as they pleased, and wreaking havoc on his mind, spirit and body. They ripped open old wounds without shame or discretion and lacking of regard for the damage they left behind.

And so, firm control was his biggest asset, but currently it was slipping through his fingers, and at such a rapid speeds, it left his mind reeling with the aftershock.

He was highly alarmed by his lack of focus on the world, as of late. Today even his brother had begun to notice. What if this were to happen during a meeting, or during other activities of the day. He couldn't allow that to happen. He had to get a hold of himself, he…

"Ahondara…," he whispered to himself, letting his fingers dig into the flesh of his hand palms accusingly.

Feelings were a deceitful curse, feasting and praying on what was left of his sanity, whenever he offered them a chance.

_((Don't let Him break you, Seto…))_

His brother always reminded him….Bringing him back when he was falling.

'_Don't worry, Mokuba, for you I will, and for myself as well…'_

"You either _bend _or break**..," **he quietly recited to himself aloud, his eyes warily scrutinising the royal blue wall opposite of him.

And ignoring the persistent Voice in his head, Seto gave Mokuba an affectionate tap on the nose, and bid him good night, "**Sweet** **dreams**, kiddo."

He wished for his younger brother to always receive peaceful slumber, and undisturbed rest.

XXXXXXXX

_A/N:_

_Well, that wraps up chapter two. Whew! Seto Kaiba is one of my favorite characters on Yu-Gi-Oh...but boy, it is darn difficult to get him pinned down just right. Not to mention portraying the relationship between Mokuba and him..._

_:scratches head: So uh, please let me know if Seto was IC, or horribly OOC, okay? _

_CMG, signing out!_

**Disclaimer:** No © infringement intended. The characters I use in this story belong to their respective owners. This story is written solely for entertainment purposes.

"**Clandestine Affair" © ChaosMagicianGirl**

**_No part of this story may be reproduced, unless granted permission by me. Everything I use in this story, except for the reference to Yu-Gi-Oh, is mine. Reproduction of the story content is therefore considered illegal. Laws against © infringement will be enforced if you decide to break the rules. _**


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